Psychotherapists face many challenges in practicing their craft. Some patients feel hopeless, while others may be threatened by awareness of negative feelings, and some may be paralyzed with shame. But what can be most threatening to the integrity of the therapeutic...
Articles
Discipline and Healing
Many of my articles emphasize the dangers of excessive criticism and harsh discipline of children and of inflexible educational structures. This has led some to assume that I am against discipline and structure. In fact, the opposite is true. Because I appreciate the...
Honoring Abusive Parents
As a clinical psychologist in the frum community I have frequently been asked by patients to address the question of the obligation to honor abusive parents. As a result, I have researched the issue and have discussed it with some prominent Rabbonim. I would like to...
A Tale of Two Mothers: Reading the Signals Wrong
I recently received a wonderful book as a gift. “A Canopy of Stars” by C.B. Weinfeld (2019) is a collection of inspirational stories masterfully written and indeed very inspirational. I am eagerly looking forward to reading the other books in the series. There was,...
Chemical Imbalance, Genetic Malfunction, Or Problems In Living?
Not too long-ago psychologists and other behavioral scientists prided themselves for their ability to understand emotional problems in depth. They didn’t limit their perspective and analysis to the proximal, superficial causes of people’s difficulties. Rather, they...
Developing Middos: Learned Or Experienced?
When Hillel was asked to summarize the Torah in one sentence, he proclaimed: “Di’lach sani, lechavrach lo savid ---- What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor; the rest is commentary.”1 This is the minimum level of chessed: do not harm others. A higher level...
Bechira: How Free is Free Will?
As a psychologist practicing in the frum community for over three decades, I have frequently encountered the following serious dilemma. A major focus of psychotherapy is exploring the events in the person's past and in his current environment which brought about and...
The Pursuit of Perfection: Vice or Virtue in Judaism?
Chazal exhort us to strive for ever higher goals. It says in ( כג : א ) תנא דבי אליהו רבה לפיכך יהיו אומרים כל אחד ואחד , מתי יגיעו מעשיי למעשה אברהם יצחק ויעקב - ( When will my deeds equal those of my forefathers)? Likewise, the concept of shleimus ( " שלימות " ),...
Quest for Perfection: Avoiding Guilt or Avoiding Shame?
Cognitive researchers have found perfectionism to be a major feature in obsessive-compulsive disorders and depression (Beck, 1976; Burns, 1980; Burns & Beck, 1978; Ellis, 1962; Meichenbaum, 1974; McFall & Wollersheim, 1979). Several cognitive styles are characteristic...
Understanding And Treating Perfectionism In Frum Adolescents
This article will examine issues unique to the treatment of frum adolescents, with a focus on a problem prevalent in this population, namely perfectionism, which often leads to anxiety, depression and other emotional disorders (Blatt, 1995). Perfectionism is also...