Psychotherapists face many challenges in practicing their craft. Some patients feel hopeless, while others may be threatened by awareness of negative feelings, and some may be paralyzed with shame. But what can be most threatening to the integrity of the therapeutic...
Chinuch
Discipline and Healing
Many of my articles emphasize the dangers of excessive criticism and harsh discipline of children and of inflexible educational structures. This has led some to assume that I am against discipline and structure. In fact, the opposite is true. Because I appreciate the...
Honoring Abusive Parents
As a clinical psychologist in the frum community I have frequently been asked by patients to address the question of the obligation to honor abusive parents. As a result, I have researched the issue and have discussed it with some prominent Rabbonim. I would like to...
A Tale of Two Mothers: Reading the Signals Wrong
I recently received a wonderful book as a gift. “A Canopy of Stars” by C.B. Weinfeld (2019) is a collection of inspirational stories masterfully written and indeed very inspirational. I am eagerly looking forward to reading the other books in the series. There was,...
The Role of Parents in the Current Crisis of “Off the Derech” Adolescents: Dare We Discuss It? Can We Afford Not To?
The frum community has been struggling with the problem of rebellious adolescents. Many factors have been cited as possible causes for this problem. A prominent therapist recently stated at a professional conference that we currently do not know what causes this...
Admonishing Without Destroying
A young couple become parents. They begin to imagine all the positive and uplifting interactions they will have with their children. Admonishing and criticizing children is most likely not part of this blissful scene. Unfortunately, the reality of life and the chinuch...
Is Self-esteem Synonymous with Gaavah?
In a March 2011 issue of Hamodia Magazine, a writer who described himself as a “Yeshiva high school teacher and life coach” wrote an article titled “The Self-Esteem Mirage.” In this article, the author states: “The self-esteem movement is exactly the opposite of...
Caution: “Extreme Giving” Is Hazardous To Relationships
A central goal in developing middos is to value peace, to avoid hurting others, and to avoid conflict by being mevater (conceding) to the other person. Likewise, the key role that being a “giver” (a נותן ) plays in good relationships is emphasized in all frum marriage...
The Unintended Consequences Of Competition And Rewards In Educational Settings
Part 1 The proliferation of contests and the intensification of competition In recent years, the level of competitiveness and the use of contests and rewards to induce this competitiveness in our schools have increased dramatically. Every self-respecting school...
Torah Perspectives on Boundaries, Restrictions and Sexuality
Boundaries and restrictions A significant portion of the Torah revolves around boundaries and restrictions. Many youngsters’ mental image of G-d and His rules can be described thus: A very powerful god, who for some mysterious reason, needs us to provide him with...