Finding The Bashert: Why Is It So Difficult To Hear The Bas Kol?

The Gemara ( Moed Katan 18b) quotes Rav Yehuda in the name of Shmuel that “Every day a bas kol proclaims that the daughter of so and so [is the match] for so and so.” One would therefore imagine that singles need only to sit back and wait for a bas kol to guide them to their bashert (intended). If only it were so! Instead, countless frum singles are frustrated in their sincere efforts at finding a shidduch. There are, undoubtedly, many sociological factors, some affecting the Orthodox community at large, while others impact only specific subgroups, that can make the shidduch process more difficult than i t needs to be – but those issues are beyond the scope of this article. Often, however, there are individual emotional issues that make the process especially arduous for particular individuals. This article will focus on some of the more common emotional issues that I have encountered in working with singles who have asked for help in the shidduch process.

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