The Gemara (Moed Katan 18b) quotes Rav Yehuda in the name of Shmuel that “Every day a bas kol proclaims that the daughter of so and so [is the match] for so and so.”1 One would therefore imagine that singles need only to sit back and wait for a bas kol to guide them...
Articles
Shidduch Narratives: “Disclosing,” or Sharing a Life in Context
A dilemma faced in many shidduchim is how much and when to reveal less than positive aspects about oneself. On one hand, there is a realistic concern that revealing too much too early will doom the relationship before it gets off the ground. On the other hand, not...
Caution: “Extreme Giving” Is Hazardous To Relationships
A central goal in developing middos is to value peace, to avoid hurting others, and to avoid conflict by being mevater (conceding) to the other person. Likewise, the key role that being a “giver” (a נותן ) plays in good relationships is emphasized in all frum marriage...
The Unintended Consequences Of Competition And Rewards In Educational Settings
Part 1 The proliferation of contests and the intensification of competition In recent years, the level of competitiveness and the use of contests and rewards to induce this competitiveness in our schools have increased dramatically. Every self-respecting school...
The Denial of Child Abuse: The Rind et al. Controversy
In a recent issue of The Journal of Psychohistory (Sorotzkin, 2002) I discussed the tendency of most societies to deny that many of their children are abused (emotionally, physically, or sexually) by their parents or other adults. One example cited, is the recent...
Same-Sex Attraction (SSA): Beyond the Rhetoric
It has become increasingly common in the Orthodox community for young men to turn to a therapist because of concerns regarding their sexual orientation. Sometimes, even if they give other reasons for their interest in therapy, the concern over same-sex attraction...
Psychological Factors in Sexual Acting Out
Some may protest the above title. “Why do we need to look for psychological explanation when someone acts out sexually?” they protest. There is a simple explanation. It’s called taivah (lust) and yetzer hara (evil inclination). Looking for psychological explanations,...
Torah Perspectives on Boundaries, Restrictions and Sexuality
Boundaries and restrictions A significant portion of the Torah revolves around boundaries and restrictions. Many youngsters’ mental image of G-d and His rules can be described thus: A very powerful god, who for some mysterious reason, needs us to provide him with...
Cognitive Strategies for Coping with Anxiety-Provoking Thoughts
1) Realize that you have a tendency to see things in a negative light. Be aware of that and if you see something negative, determine if it is really as negative as you see it or if you are limiting your perspective to just seeing the negative side when there is much...
Refusing Therapy
What causes people to refuse to enter psychotherapy even when they clearly need it? What could teachers, family or friends do to help a suffering person accept the idea of going to therapy? It is usually assumed that it is the fear of stigma that prevents people...